Unforgiven (1992)
Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.
THE SUMMARY: A reformed outlaw gets dragged back into outlawing because all he actually knows how to do is outlaw. It’s just a classically okay western - cowboys, whores, and guys getting shot by other guys who inform them that the world is unjust, which is why they got shot. There’s little to hate, but little to remember either.
FROM MOVIE-PICKER ELECTRIC NINJA: A slow-burn story of revenge with a pretty nice payoff. Clint Eastwood’s final western before he said goodbye to the genre. Truly lives up to the title Unforgiven.
JAMIE AND JEANNE’S AI FACESWAP ART:
When times get tough after the Gay War, Blonde gets entrepreneurial.
I am once again asking for your hit piece for digital blackface.
Define ‘friend.’
THE BEST:
Straight to the action: Just like The Outlaw Josey Wales, the other Eastwood-directed western we’ve reviewed, I appreciate a movie that gets straight to the action. In this case, it’s slashing a whore’s face, which is certainly a way to make an entry. Don’t lull me to sleep to start if you want me to be attentive through the presentation - Eastwood understands that.
Some classic Eastwood lines:
Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it/we all have it comin’, kid: This is really just the adult version of the lesson ‘life’s not fair,’ but it doesn’t make it any less fundamental: what happens to you and what’s fair or right are two different things. It doesn’t mean we should try to do wrong or behave immorally, of course. It just means the less time you spend blaming others or the world for your misfortune, and the more time you spend actually doing something about it, the better life you’ll have.
It’s a hell of a thing, killing a man: You take away all he’s got, and all he’s ever gonna have. There actually isn’t all that much wisdom in this line, since everyone knows and understands deaths finality, but it’s just a well-performed Clint moment.
Being cool-headed is the ultimate asset: The best philosophy of the movie comes from the villain, actually: Sheriff ‘Little Bill’ Daggett. Little Bill explains to English Bob’s biographer Beauchamp at the jailhouse that the best weapon for survival in the Wild West isn’t a revolver or a quick draw. It’s being calm under stress. ‘Being quick with a pistol, that don’t do no harm. But it don’t mean much next to bein’ cool-headed’ - the point being that panic and impulsive decision-making will inevitably get you killed, even if you are highly skilled otherwise. Keep calm and think, always. All other skills are secondary.
Sometimes the path is inevitable: As my wife observed, there’s a parallel in Will and The Kid’s character trajectory. Just as Will re-enters the outlaw world, The Kid leaves it. ‘I ain’t like you, Will,’ The Kid says, remorseful for killing Quick Mike on the toilet. But isn’t he exactly like Will? A reckless, murderous outlaw who realizes the error of his ways and reforms? It’s a fate-versus-free will theme that commonly captures my interest - sometimes when we think we’re leaving the path, we’re actually following it directly.
Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.
It’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man.
I ain’t like you, Will.
THE WORST:
Won’t somebody please think of the children?: The ending sucked. Firstly, because it doesn’t properly tie up the main premise of the movie: that Will has to return to bounty hunting to provide for his children. But did he actually provide for his children? The final scene just leaves us with a maybe. Maybe he did. Or maybe he didn’t. So maybe the whole thing was pointless.
Speaking of not caring about the kids, he just left two very young ones to manage a farm for their survival while he’s out on this spontaneous murder-quest. If the premise is a man does what he must to provide for his family, they left out the second part. No actual providing was demonstrated.
The ending shootout is re-goddamn-diculous: The second reason the ending sucked is because of how outright silly Will’s gunfight with Little Bill and his men is. With a double-barreled shotgun on one shell, Will somehow takes out the Sheriff and his four deputies, despite a misfire that puts the Sheriff and his men quicker on the draw than Will. I guess the Sheriff was serious when he said he doesn’t value speed or marksmanship. He and his deputies are worse gunmen than the YouTube shooter.
More silly still, the Sheriff just lays on the ground, bleeding out but still armed, while Will takes a whiskey break at the bar. When the Sheriff does finally try to shoot Will, he cocks the hammer but waits to fire so Will has plenty of time to turn around, walk over, and kick away the shot. Of course it sets up the ‘deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it’ line, but in premise, it’s preposterous. Will would have been shot in the face five times, before five more times in the back.
What is the point of this English Bob subplot?: I absolutely do not understand why this subplot is any part of the movie. It’s just a side-feud with the Sheriff that is irrelevant to Will’s story, other than an outlet for Little Bill to explain some of his philosophy and develop his character. But isn’t Bill’s interaction with Will and Ned itself sufficient? Bill establishes himself as the villain through his treatment of Ned, not English Bob. Will takes revenge on Bill for what he did to Ned, not English Bob. Delete English Bob and his biographer guy, and the story remains the same. In fact English Bob does delete himself. He just leaves, and nothing happens.
The Will-whore ‘romance’: The scene where Will declines a ‘free one’ with Delilah, the scarred whore, is hard to interpret. It’s not supposed to be funny, but it sure is: she offers him her services, he declines, she claims she meant with one of the other whores, and he neutralizes the awkwardness by saying ‘you’re a beautiful woman - if I was to want a free one, I’d want it with you.’ Is that a compliment, or an insult?
Further complicating it, it’s bunk in premise. Will says to indulge would be a betrayal to his wife, but she’s dead. The vow is ‘until death do us part,’ which is a condition now realized. But if he’s purer in his commitment to his wife than even the marital vow, why is he on this murder-quest at all? His wife reformed him out of this life. How is it faithful to her to resume the degeneracy, just not that degeneracy?
It’s a ‘romance’ that’s irrelevant, anyway. There’s no build up of the attraction, and it’s an instant dead-end on account of Will’s ‘purity.’ It seems like a set up for a scarred prostitute’s redemption, but then it just… isn’t. The entire scenario is impossible to take seriously and goes nowhere.
He had to do it for his kids, who are all but deleted from the story.
Is this not supposed to be cringe and funny?
Luckily he faced the worst, most cowardly gunmen in the west.
THE RATING: 3/5 Wickies. It’s a western with all the classic ingredients: nice landscapes, rugged characters, and a revenge plot. It’s good, not great, and doesn’t do anything not done dozens of times before it.
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NEXT WEEK: The Exorcist (1973)
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